1. Stay within walking distance of your own damn neighborhood. Don’t roll up on other people’s streets in your rusted out deathtrap and unload a dozen kids. I don’t roll up in your hood and ask for my tax dollars back, do I?
2. Your baby in the stroller is cute, but babies don’t eat candy. They could easily choke and die. If you ask for candy for your baby, I’ll call you out on being a crappy parent in front of all your other kids. I will NOT hesitate with this.
3a. If you are old enough to drive, you don’t get any candy.
3b. If you are a grown woman, going door to door with your own pillowcase full of candy… you really should be doing other things with your life than running around Trick or Treating.
4. The “sick” brother or sister “in the car” doesn’t get any candy. If they are healthy enough to get schlepped around “in the car”, they are healthy enough to “walk their butt up to my door and get their own candy”.
5. No Costume = No Candy. Being dressed up as “myself” or a “hobo” don’t count… unless you look like a really awesome hobo.
6. The most important rule: Say “Thank You” before you leave.